Angry Andy

I struggle with anger. I always have, don't know if I learned it or if it is just part of me, something that constantly reminds me that I need a Savior. Most of the time I see myself getting angry and I know what is happening, but my pride takes over and I don't want to slow the ole' anger train down, if you know what I mean. For the most part I have it under control, I don't beat random people up who look at me funny (at least not since '97), I don't get angry at people who cut me off, and I don't become angry with people close to me. And here lies the problem - "I have it under control." I usually do not lean on the Holy Spirit to give me the strength to have "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Gal. 5:22-23), I just try to do it myself - and I fail - miserably. I failed this last weekend. We all fail when we don't have the Holy Spirit prompting us, guiding us, correcting us. Probably an even better way of saying that is when we ignore the prompting. I made the reference to '97 because that was when I started my conversion, when I started to allow the Holy Spirit to work, and He has done miracles in me, but many times I ignore the promptings of the Spirit.

This past summer our three kids stayed at my parents house for a week while Serenity and I got our anniversary away. It was great. When we met back up with Grandma and Panka (our kid's name for my Dad), Panka told a story of Avery and a situation he had with his sister. Ally had taken a toy or something from him, so he hit her on the head and took it back. Panka disciplined Avery by having him sit in a time out or something along those lines. When questioning him about why he would punch his sister and what he needed to do to fix the situation he said, "I don't know, I think I need to eat some fruit or something." Puzzled, Panka asked again, getting something close to the same answer. Again my Dad asked, this time I can imagine he was becoming slightly frustrated, Avery responded "I'm telling you, it is in a book I have, you just have to eat some fruit and you don't act that way." It wasn't clear to Panka until he told me this story and I told him about the Fruits of the Spirit book I read to Avery and his sisters occasionally.

I wish it was that easy, just eat some fruit. Having the Holy Spirit work on you is tough most of the time, and it is constant. Every hour of every day I need patience, I need love, I need self-control. If I ignore the promptings of the Spirit to slow down, and to show kindness, eventually those promptings will be silent. I won't hear them any more, and I will become frustrated, quick to anger, bitter, and unkind, I will be a typical human being without a relationship with our Savior.

One thing is different between now and '97, I know I need the Fruits of the Spirit, so I continue to listen for them.