Its no big deal

Some of you know us well enough to know that the topic of "Kenobie and dog-owning" has forever been one of those bumps, in our marriage. I cannot tell you how many arguments/heated discussions we've had over our beloved dog, Kenobie. He is as big as life, he eats my underwear, treads mud over my clean floors, and for the last 6 years it has been a love/hate relationship between him and I.
Well, I'm not surprised that yesterday, Andy and I had yet, another big ol' fight over the dog. (Big sigh) But it turned out good. There were tears, loud talking, and lots of emotions. Plus, the kids were witnessing the whole thing and Avery was crying because we were talking about what we were going to do with Kenobie.
But during all of this I actually talked myself through some of my own garbage. Honestly, I was a blubbering mess and Andy was tired of hearing all of my emo complaining and ranting. But fortunately I have a husband who loves me enough to at least sit there and listen as best he can. And, PRAISE THE LORD, I figured out why I was angry about Kenobie! Yes, it has taken me 6 years, but wow, it is refreshing! I realized I was actually mad at myself for not ever taking the time to process what it meant to have a dog, that I never spoke to Andy about what my expectations might be, or better yet, that I didn't have enough courage to speak my mind 6 years ago. I have been mad at myself that I once again just allowed someone to speak for me and make the decision for me. Please don't get me wrong, Andy, even though he was set on getting a dog, would have listened to me. But because I didn't understand what I really wanted anyways and it would have been too hard to put my emotions to words, I just said "ok, lets get a dog!"
After I was able to hash through all of my "expectations" I thought I had and actually got to a point where I was being honest with myself, I wasn't angry anymore. God finally was able to shine the light on exactly where all my frustration and anger came from.
God took this moment to show me, once again, where He has taken me, what He is still teaching me, and who He wants me to be. See, my past is full of moments where I said, "It's no big deal." Not because that is what I really thought but because it was way too much effort to try and figure out what I knew to be true. Pleasing people became way easier for me than knowing myself. And because of that, I did a LOT of things I didn't want to do and I became the easy-going tough girl. Nothing bothered me on the outside, I was pretty good at acting. Speaking of acting, that was my favorite thing in high school. I was a Thespian, involved in all of the plays, took drama and even took acting lessons outside of school in Portland. After highschool I was going to be an actress! :) I really liked how I could be someone else in front of hundreds of people and please them. I could be bold, loud, and confident in front on stage, hiding behind my character.
Good thing God calls our bluffs. He's been calling my bluff for the last 9 years, asking me, "Is that really what you think?" He has helped me get through much of the garbage I was covering myself with. I can now get up in front of people, like Sunday, and share my true heart, my story, and my true feelings. I can confidently say that I am ready to be who God made me to be and follow Him with a pure heart. When I said, 'yes', to the idea of our family traveling across the country in an RV I was surprised to know that I was really saying 'yes'. My heart was ready to do what I've always wanted to do. Be bold, be confident, and follow Jesus with all of my heart.
It is so good to see my heart and mind through God's eyes. He IS the true Counselor. And he can choose whatever He likes to show us where our heart is stuck. He used a donkey, he has used my dog, His ways are definitely not like ours.
Thank you Lord, for putting your Spirit in my heart and teaching me how to listen to your still small voice.

Tigard Community Friends Church

This past Sunday we had our first opportunity to share our heart with a church body. We began to prepare during our weekly Thursday evening meeting where we met and discussed what we would talk about. We prayed, and we began to prepare individually. One thing was evident, we were all a little nervous.


Without the Lord present, we would have sounded like a bunch of self-righteous idiots. I think our message was loud and clear, loving and full of grace. We shared our hearts, and since Christ is there, it was truly His message too. Without that we would simply be just a bunch of do-right church kids.

We crafted our message around stories, stories about addiction, about pain, about joy, but all of them about the amazing grace of God, and the power of Jesus' message of redemption and love.

As I sat in the church pew and prayed, waiting to be introduced, the nervousness was overcome by the assurance of His Spirit inside of me covering my own inadequacies with a supernatural understanding. When you begin to believe that the Lord is going to speak through you, and it doesn't matter what people hear, and that the Spirit is the only one who can penetrate their hearts, the nervousness melts away.

TCFC wrapped us with love. We felt that our message was embraced, that people understood, and that ultimately, they would journey along with us. Even though I am certain about our calling, when you consistently hear doubt from people, or interpret their looks when you tell them what you are doing - passionately following Jesus - your flesh occasionally creeps in and your mind begins to succumb to thoughts of doubt and the possibility that maybe you are crazy. I wasn't sure if sharing with churches was going to confirm that or encourage us to press on, but this time, at TCFC, we were all greatly encouraged. The Lord spoke to us. He confirmed our craziness - the craziness of following Jesus.

Thanks Jesus! And thanks TCFC for allowing us to share our hearts.

Prayer please!

Andy, Tim, Jen and I are all sharing about our downtown adventures under the bridge and our future plans with Mustard Seed Ministries at Tigard Community Friends Church tomorrow morning! This will be our first time getting up in front of a church and we are all a little nervous. We need the Lord to speak through us! Please pray that we would feel His Peace!

Who is my Jesus?

Tim and Jenn - thanks for the song. I've been meditating on the lyrics of this song - powerful, powerful stuff. Click on this link to listen to the song:

Todd Agnew - My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

Chalk Drawings

I'm not really even into art that much, but this guy's artwork amazes me, and I thought I might share him with some of you. Who knows, I'm so out of things culturally, that maybe everybody knows about this guy and I'm just now seeing his art.

Anyways, I came across this guy a few years back, and his artwork is simply amazing. His name is Julian Beever and he is an English artist who draws with chalk on sidewalks and other public spaces. He uses depth and space to give his drawings a realistic, life-like, 3D illusion.

The woman really isn't that small :)

People were actually walking around the "hole" in the ground.

The attention to detail even to the point of the ripples in the water.

I like this one the best. He seems to like to be in his own art.

The leg seems to be going straight up in the air. . . . .

But when you look at it from the wrong perspective it looks strangely distorted.