What have I learned most?

This weekend we had an opportunity to stay at a friends' condo over at the beach with Tim and Jen. The weather was perfect-no wind, 70 degrees, sunny and beautiful! Thank you Mallons for the great condo!
Slowly immersing ourselves into community living has been very good. Obviously, it was only a weekend and we all knew we got to go home on Sunday. But to tell you the truth, none of us really wanted to go "home". I believe the Lord has been knitting our hearts together over the last 6 months, as we have intentionally (that is the key word) made it a point to spend time with one another, eating together, helping out with kids, doing dishes, and talking and praying together a lot. It is starting to feel comfortable with them, like they are part of our family.
I've always been a "people person", so this community living thing is like my dream come true. I'm just so happy I get to live it out! Andy, well, he can speak for himself.... but I'd like to remind you that opposites attract.
Annnnnnyways! What have I learned most so far in this journey? It is hard to nail down one thing because it seems like everything connects somehow. But I'll try.
Last October sometime we were down at Transitional Youth, hanging out with some homeless teens/young adults. I was sitting with a young lady who had 2 children and I had a chance to talk with her a bit. Listening to her made me feel heavy. She was bouncing from house to house, trying to hold some sort of job, desperately trying to find someone safe to watch the kids while she worked, to provide food, clothing, and shelter for her small, sad little family. Very typical story of someone down and out. And when we got done talking, I felt literally drained and completely worthless. What can I do for this lady? And even if I was to help her with something, there would always be something more and more and more. So the Lord answered me with a picture that I will always come back to.
I have Jesus living in my heart. He is the One who gives me life. He is the One who covers my heart with His. My heart is dark, His heart is Light, canceling out all of my darkness.
As I pictured His heart over mine I thought of all the people out there who don't know this. They have their problems, their darkness, their past, their sins and they come to talk to me.
I suddenly saw that because I have Jesus living in me and have embraced His life in me I have an amazing gift to give people. As people sit with me, they get to sit with Jesus for a bit. I can either take all of their darkness, strife, loneliness and sin into my own dark heart and let them bring me down, OR I can feel the darkness for a moment in my heart and then release it to His heart, relieving me from any burden. Kind of like a recycling thing. As I listen/take on other peoples' stories, burdens and sins I can give it to Him to purify. And when I do feel their darkness for a brief moment, I feel a very small dose of what Jesus has done with my sin and shame. He took on everyone's sin. That is HEAVY and so wonderful!
Gosh, this is just barely brushing the surface. I could talk about this forever.
I will never take for granted Who I have living in me because He is my only Hope. Jesus has made me pure in my Father's eyes because His Light covers my dark heart. I now know that because we carry Jesus in our hearts, we can truly go to the dark parts of this world and not grow weary and burdened. We can give Rest to those who are burdened. What an amazing God we have! I am so filled with Hope because I know Jesus is alive and walking this earth, in me, in my husband, and in the rest of the family of believers. Now if we can just let go of our own hearts and lean on His, it will surely be Heaven on earth.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

Sava's Question

Picture in your mind this question being asked, with the most sarcasm and cynicism a 17-year-old can muster: "Hey Coulombe, what are you going to do when the money runs out, rely on Jesus?"

The Christianese answer is obvious (picture an older fellow, with a gigantic King James Version in one hand and flannel board in the other): "Why yes Sava, the Good Lord will provide."

My own flesh asks me what the heck I am getting into. But really we have no other choice, as my good buddy Seth has said a bunch of times, "if God is asking you to do something, you better do it."

I process a lot Sunday mornings during worship. God kinda puts "warp-speed" on, and the ideas and thoughts begin to run faster, then faster, until the stars start to blur and everything is going too quick for me to comprehend, the bigness of my God overwhelms me and a sense of peace flows down from the top of my head to my toes. It's like He downloaded new perspectives into me -- all of this while I worship a God that I cannot even begin to understand. Last Sunday during this time I began to ponder Sava's question, and then, not seconds later, the Lord placed the answer on my lips in the lyrics of this song:

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations

Saviour
He can move the mountains
For my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine Your light and
Let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus

Mighty To Save by Reuben Morgan

Well, there is the answer, and to tell you the truth, I think Sava reads my blog.

Becoming Small

The Lord has continued to remind me of these verses:

Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 6:1-4

Painting by German artist Karl Schmidt-Rottluff
(1912) titled "Pharisees"

My own flesh desires to be seen, to be known. I seek humility one day and recognition the next. I am a "hypocrite in the synagogue." Forgive me Lord Jesus, to you be all glory, honor and praise. Amen.

Hope and Intimacy

Before I start writing, I should let you know that this is Andy's wife, Serenity, writing. I will be posting here now, so be forewarned. :)
I am crying right now. Feeling incredibly raw and emotional. I feel so thankful to have friends who are going through some transitions like us and we can comfort one another, even as we part our separate ways again. Take a moment to visit the Lockes. Heath just posted something that put my emotions and thoughts into words- thanks Heath!
As we get closer and closer to the ETD (estimated time of departure) the Lord has remained close to my heart. His presence has given me hope and has increased my intimacy with Him. I'm not really sure what comes first, hope or intimacy, but I know they both come hand-in-hand.
The thoughts of losing much of the world's security and what I have known for my whole life is scary. Our life right now is what Andy and I have always dreamed about- a beautiful house, wonderful neighborhood, a church family, steady job and income with great vacations, parks nearby, great schools, wonderful friends who live close- the American dream.
So as my mind frequently lands on these things and relationships I will be leaving the Lord tenderly takes my face to look at Him. He knows me. The intimacy that I have felt with Him as He continues to do this gives me hope which then gives me strength to keep allowing Him to take my face and speak to my heart.
Our friends, the Fidanzos, have had a very difficult week this past week. They just miscarried their first pregnancy. It is devastating. My heart broke when I heard the news and I instantly started praying against the enemy. Tim and Jen have battled this like true warriors though and I am SO proud of them. They have embraced this loss and have found the hope rather than the discouragement. God always intends for good, but it is our decision to sit and listen to the Great Counselor. If you have a moment, visit their blog, and give some encouragement.
The enemy intends to steal and destroy our hope.
There is a great quote in The Neverending Story by the scary wolf, as he explains why he is helping the Nothing destroy the world of Fantasia. He says, "Because people who have no hopes are easy to control. And whoever has control, has the power!"
No, this is not Fantasia. But Satan will do whatever he can to destroy our hope. And if we have our hopes in things that can be destroyed then we're in for a difficult and sad life. Real hope is eternal, cuz really, why would we put our hope in something that can die, turn to rust, or eaten by moths?
I have started to see something. As I take these steps outside my box into the unknown world, talking with homeless people, venturing off in an RV with three kids, leaving all that we've known, I am seeing the hope that I have a little clearer. And I know that there are so many out there who are putting their hopes in something that can and will perish someday. Knowing that my only hope is Jesus is hard to wrap my brain around. It has made me think A LOT lately. The hope that I have is a treasure that I want more understanding of. And as I meditate on what hope means, my intimacy with Jesus becomes so much more real. I couldn't say this a couple years ago, but I have now found God to be my best friend, my Savior, and my Father.

Inadequate? Yes I am!

I just finished reading John Perkins' amazing autobiography "Let Justice Roll Down." Here is the description on the front of the book:

"His brother died in his arms, shot by a deputy marshal. He was beaten and tortured by the sheriff and state police. But through it all he returned good for evil, love for hate, progress for prejudice and brought hope to black and white alike."

As he explains in the book, God has filled the hole that our flesh wants to fill with bitterness: "Ours is not a story of bitterness -- it is a story of love and the triumphs of the God of love. But it is a story carved out of the realities of violence and poverty, ending not in some sugarcoated sense of brotherly love but the deep conviction that only the power of Christ's crucifixion on the cross and the glory of His resurrection can heal the deep racial wounds in both black and white people in America."

What he experienced, not only in being falsely arrested and beaten, but growing up in a sharecropping family in the rural south, is simply amazing. I am assuming that much of his story is actually similar to the struggles many other blacks had to deal with growing up in the deep south, his reaction to that hate and prejudice is what is extraordinary. My own level of experience with different cultures, which is nearly nothing, makes me feel completely inadequate in my ability to reach out to African-Americans during our journey. Coming from a mono-racial, and mono-linguistic community, what do I have to offer? In many people's eyes -- nothing.

But that is exactly the point - I don't have anything to offer. It is "Christ in me" who offers something by the way of my flesh. I don't have to do anything except be obedient to his calling and reach out my hand to those in need. The crucified Christ will dole out the mercy and grace. I've never spoken to John Perkins, but I'm pretty sure he would admit that the feelings of forgiveness and grace he expressed to the Mississippi State Police after his beating at the hands of these men didn't come from some really nice place in his heart, rather they came from Christ, they welled up inside of his soul from the overflow of Christ's love.

Don't get me wrong; I know that I need to continue to learn about other people and cultures. I need to be sensitive to the hurt that white America has contributed to others in this nation. I need to keep reading and processing the thoughts and perspectives of African-Americans like Perkins, but building relationships with people who might happen to have a different skin pigmentation is only going to be effective if I let "Christ in me" overcome the power of hatred, and prejudice, and heal the wounds of racism by showing His love, and His grace through me. That's it, the simple Gospel. Am I, in all my whiteness, inadequate to bridge the racial divide and make meaningful relationships with others? Yes, thankfully, I am!